Measuring Up

This episode will be a an overview of one of our WAN gatherings. We start with a theme and do practices relating to it. This is a recap of a recent gathering. 

Intro:

Let’s talk about two paradigms - one is the Without a Net paradigm, meaning being free of the network of ingrained beliefs that have accumulated over our lifetime of experience. To be Without a Net means resting in presence and freely allows whatever arises with acceptance and curiosity. 

The other paradigm sees things in terms of measurement. It calculates and thinks so it can supposedly manage reality. This is the default mode of almost all humans.

Picture a ruler. 

Imagine there’s a good side and bad side. Most of us can admit we don’t feel like we reside on the good side all the time.

We think “There’s something better over there.” We think the reason we’re unsatisfied is because we’re not over on that good side, that we are lacking in some way, or many ways. We think things could be better, that our circumstances aren’t ideal, that we could use some improvement. 

We think the ruler (or any form of measurement) orients us. It will either show us where we are so we can figure out where we’re supposed to be. Or we won’t know at all where we are, but we orient ourselves by focusing on that good end of the ruler as a goal and assume we are located somewhere that’s not on the good end.

Our sense of lack seeks satisfaction, and our sense of disorientation seeks to find our bearings. 

Really it’s the trying to get over there, to a place other than here, that feels unsatisfying and futile.

It’s hard to accept that if we are present and conscious, we’re oriented. That’s the other paradigm, and we’ll come back to that. 

So In the ruler world, we assess how well we’re doing by where we are on the cultural, societal system of weights and measures:

We have rulers for all the aspects of our existence and they measure the way to get it right verses the way to be a failure.

The obvious aspects we measure to be on the good end of the ruler are things like success and beauty and being appreciated, and things like poverty, ugliness, and not belonging are the bad end. 

Many of us can have a basic level of detachment from these kind of expectations because it might sound materialistic or greedy to strive for that good end of the ruler. But there are more spiritually acceptable ideals that we can subtly measure because we have strong shoulds about them. 

Our self-worth ruler measures Self-incrimination vs confidence

Our worldview can be measured as Cynical vs Grateful 

Sense of meaning ruler measures Aimless vs Purposeful

Our energy can be measured from Lethargic to Vivacious

Our awareness ruler measure how Checked out vs engaged we are

We measure our sense of togetherness from Lonesome to Belonging  

The judgment rulers measure everything from Disapproving to Accepting

And some people measure their sense of agency with My will vs God’s will

There’s an implied sense of self-doubt and dissatisfaction when any of these noble ideals are on the far end of the ruler from us. Even when we think we’re too enlightened to be materialistic, there’s still some big inner expectations pulling the strings.

We’re never going to get to those ideals because they don’t exist. They are imaginary because they are conceptual and not here now.

We wear various personas that we think define the little person who fails or succeeds at being The Big Shot or Arrived person on the good end of the ruler. And we have opinions about the world or reality based on how much of a failure or success we’ve seen ourselves to be. 

When we do want to unlearn or detach from the measuring paradigm we aren’t always given the best direction.

What about when people say to us, or we say to ourselves, “you’re doing well.” That’s perfectly fine from one perspective, but behind it is an implication. What  does it say about the times you’re not feeling OK? Or things aren’t going your way? 

Spiritual or self-help advice can be well-meant intentions that push at us to be on the good end of the ruler instead of ditching the ruler altogether. 

Some examples of well-intended advice are: 

Be grateful (which can mean think of how many things you have that make you feel closer to the good end of the ruler)

You have worth (Well, your worth is fleeting and shallow if it depends on where you are on the ruler)

Let go (They usually mean let go of the bad end of the ruler.

You’re not alone. (yes you are if you’re counting on being around people or them approving of you to bump you closer to the good end of the ruler) 

We believe in you (meaning we believe you’ll do well on the ruler)

Everything will be okay (meaning you’ll get temporarily moved toward the good end of the ruler once in a while)

We are being asked or asking ourselves to either look good, be good or feel good. The encouragement is telling us to take heart, we can get there, or that we are already close. Yet these assessments are still placed on the ruler. They are superficial and temporary. 

The other paradigm doesn’t rely on factors of comparison at all. 

Practice 1

So that was the theme, and here’s a few practices we did to become aware of our measurement paradigm and then to let it go for a minute.

First I asked everyone to draw or describe this perfect character who’s on the good end of the ruler. That’s it, that was the assignment. 

The interesting results were that each person came up with a very different idea of what a perfect person was like. And people were shocked at how silly their ideas of perfection were.  We got a good laugh because everyone had pretty outrageous expectations, and most of us recognized how subtle but genuine our attachment to them was. 

There were poignant moments, too, especially when people realized what their mediocre end of the ruler felt like in comparison. It was a little wake up call. 

Try that practice and see what you come up with. 

Practice 2

Another practice we did on this topic was to give attention to what it feels like to measure.

As with all the practices we do in workshops I told them the most important thing to notice while doing the exercise is how it feels to carry it out. When we share our results we enjoy seeing what everyone else came up with, and it always wakes us up to how much creativity and variety of ways of seeing there is, but we are most interested in what the felt resonance is while we were doing it. That’s where we get the scope and depth of the project. 

So here’s the prompts for the next measuring exercise:

We brought to mind a recent event that upset us. A trigger.

I had them Draw a line that represented a ruler. 

I asked them to pay attention to what it feels like to make the following marks on their ruler:

I told them to mark on the ruler the level of how bad they felt about the incident that triggered them.

I had them rate the other person involved in the situation with a mark on the ruler.

Then I had them rate themselves in the situation. 

And then they were to rate how long they were going to hold onto this incident.

The results of this practice were a bit disturbing to most people in the gathering. Almost everyone was a bit nauseated  at how far above the other person they marked themselves on the scale. And at how long they thought they’d hang on to it. We all agreed that the results were not fun to see, but were eye-opening and kind of humorous. And we all agreed it feels kind of good to be real about this, especially when everyone in the group seemed to be on the same page. 

The honesty that is revealed in these exercises is refreshing to feel in ourselves and to see in others. We tend to feel like we can address our blindspots with less resistance. 

Usually people tell me later that throughout the week (or even much longer) that the practices wake them up to behavior or attitudes that they can’t unsee. They are no longer blind to whatever habit or insight we uncovered, and it changes their take on it.  

So next we focused on the other paradigm. The one without a ruler. We did a practice to touch on a possible glimpse of measure-less presence. 

We’ll do it now. It’s just a few minutes. We only do sample length practices in our shorter gatherings.

Practice 3

Sit up straight so your breath can move easily. Put your hands on your thighs. Breathe into your lower lungs for a relaxed breath. With each exhale feel your muscles relax a little more. 

Feel the center of your body, somewhere near your sternum, only in the middle of your body. Some call it the base of the heart. You can picture a little blue light there if you like. 

Feel as if your sense of being comes from that center. A lot of times it seems like our sense of self or sense of awareness comes from our head. Let’s center that sense of being at our body’s center. Inhale and exhale from the base of the heart. 

Inhale into the center and exhale so your breath fills the whole body. Feel how each exhale relaxes you a little more. Feel your sense of presence or being fill you from head to toe. 

Now breathe into that center and with each exhale out from there imagine your sense of presence growing in size. Like a sphere expanding out in all directions, imagine with each exhale that your sense of being expands a little more, outside the boundaries of your skin. 

Imagine it expanding behind you, above you, below you, all around.

You can start with spreading out a few feet beyond your body. If any part of this exercise feels uncomfortable, you can bring your awareness back to your body inside the skin. 

Imagine with each exhale your sense of being radiates out to the edges of the room you’re in, or to a room-size space if you’re outside. Breathe in and out from there, inhabiting and relaxing as you fill this expansive space.

Breathe into your body’s center and exhale out past the room-size space and start expanding your sense of self farther with each exhale, as much as you’re comfortable.

Imagine your presence radiates out indefinitely. Don’t worry about the word infinite, just go with indefinite so your mind isn’t trying to grab onto an ungraspable idea. 

Recognize or imagine that you are both the center and all that radiates out. 

Sense your presence, your awareness, your sense of or being as totally intimate and centered and totally vast at the same time. Totally free of limits and impossible to measure. 

Rest as this unbound presence.

Open your eyes slowly when you feel like it. You may have had a brilliant, measureless, experience. Or you may have barely gotten a one-second glimpse of being ruler free. Or it may have just felt like relaxation.  Just the attempt to practice is better than ruler mentality. 

What does being measurement-free look like in life?

First of all the idea of good and bad become so-called good and bad.

What we used to call good and bad happenings aren’t so dramatic. We are more curious about them than disturbed or elated.

We know ups and downs are temporary. We start with the attitude of “this too shall pass” but eventually we let go of wanting things to pass or stay. We accept and allow what arises with benign interest. 

Instead of seeing ourselves in comparison to somewhere or some way else we’re supposed to be, we find ourselves OK with wherever we are. We may be ecstatic or disgruntled or anything in between, but we don’t favor any one of the flavors. There’s a sense of relaxed contentment in the background of all states. And we don’t mind the idea of moving on to another state or way or being.

There’s less sense of having to orient, understand, decide what’s next. We rely on the pattern of the unfolding. There’s a sense of peaceful trust about what is. 

So this week, see if you can tell what/when you’re measuring. Then take a few minutes and see if you can rest in timeless space-less-ness. Be ruler free. 

We’re not trying to end our measuring tendencies; that would turn into another ruler. Just notice what it’s like to set them aside for a minute. Be curious. See what happens.      

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