Self HELP!
In the process of putting my Without a Net offerings out to the world, I’ve had to face some inner blocks. This is pretty much the norm with any project, but considering this is a creative project in which inner blocks play an integral part, it brought forward some particularly interesting struggle points.
There were times when I felt a huge resistance, followed by a flood of memories from childhood of all the creepy experiences I've had with people who were being awful in the name of some spiritual/self-help path. Some of them were so unspeakable I won't speak of them, and many others boil down to flagrant arrogance and hypocrisy.
I realized how unapologetically judgmental and skeptical I am about lots of paths and teachers, although I can swiftly give enormous credit to other spiritual/self-help teachers and mentors who darn near saved my life. I hadn’t looked closely at how these two perspectives have lived side by side within me for most of my life, and how dualistic they are.
I’m itching to share my take on some of the wisdom that’s been passed to me and that helped me so greatly, but I’ve hesitated to offer my inner-help suggestions, not sure I trust myself not to turn into one of the imposters I’ve encountered.
I’ve acknowledged the dilemma. That’s a good start. I’ve been forthcoming about the ensuing emotions that accompany some of the memories, both the distressing and the agreeable ones. I’ve come to some acceptance that the quandary is legitimate and longterm, so it won’t disappear just because I’ve seen it in action. But it is empowering to lift the veil of ignorance from the situation. At least I see what I’m up against.
In the meantime I’m taking actions. I’m still going forward with my blog, my workshops, my course (still in development) and will be offering social media and email interaction soon. I’m using the tools that Without a Net offers to navigate these muddy waters, including the deck of cards. (I see this weird mind-stinker in the cockroach card, above.)
Every time the judgement and paralysis crop up, I remember the card, a representation of a mind state—one that does not depict an actual truth, but an amalgamation of conditioned responses that have solidified into a perspective. This ingrained viewpoint is no longer serving me. Looking at the card reminds me I can pick another one, so to speak. I’d like to see my future course with Without a Net to unhindered by the teachers and paths that wronged me in the past.
When I originally painted the cockroach, my intention was to depict the art professors that infested my head from my university years, prompting me to pick apart my paintings until I was drained of creativity. I came away from college damaged and timid, and I had to struggle out from under those ghosts to make my marks. If I can overcome my squashed art self-image, I can do it with my Without a Net adventure.
I can even look at that card differently now. It’s a cockroach, one of the most adaptable and resilient creatures on the planet. It stands tall in its environment. It is surrounded by a variety of creative voices, all legitimate choices. Seen in a different light, the card can represent self-empowerment.
I’ve got a built in remedy for my resistance to forward movement, should it recur. I can use Without a Net medicine to prevail over the blocks that keep me from going forward with Without a Net. There’s no way out, really, and isn’t that a bonus?
